Damn, Gaia is so darn addictive. Every waking hour of mine spent just facing the laptop to online on Gaia. My emails and other stuff are totally forgotten or I simply just couldn’t find the time for them. If not logging onto it on my laptop, i would be thinking about it. "Gaia… Gaia…" My life was totally taken over by this website. This ridiculous obsession, this unexplainable insanity, taking my life over. I don’t know why, but it’s like drugs. Logging on to Gaia everyday is like getting my daily dose of morphine injected into the veins. Chasing that very feeling of euphoria, makes me a really, really, really happy girl, haha….haha…. Nothing else matters no more. I mean, rp-ing is fun. But to the point of addiction, it was scary. I tried taking a break from Gaia, Damn!! It’s like the cold turkey treatment, suffering ’till the inside of you begs for it. Gimme my Gaia, puhlease…Shuddup inner self!! I kinda understand now what those drug addicts go through. I was reading a journal about this girl, who went insane cause she wasn’t allowed to online to rp on Gaia. She mutilated herself with a mini screwdriver. I was like, shit..that was almost me, if gaia was taken away from me at that point of time where I was really high on it. But then, would I use a mini screwdriver to dig into my thumb, pressing the blunt point of the screwdriver hard against the skin then dragging it across the skin, trying to cut into the flesh, making a diagonal wound then making another wound by cutting it horizontally, finally seeing the white cartilage. Oh, nice! Then i would go, Since I’m here, why not see the rest of the bone? Ah.. What colour would it be? Dull white? Grey? Let’s see.. Ahh… looks like it’s whitish grey. Digging deeper, to see further down the thumb, the place where the bone is connected to the palm. Eh? What would it look like; the place where the fingernails meet the bone? Moving the screwdriver up pushing it into the flesh then slowly twisting it upwards. Blood would be spilling out and the pain would be agonizing to the point where you go numb. Would i lick my blood? Why not? Since I’m already insane enough to dig into my flesh. Ahh.. the sweet, sweet taste of blood.Hmm.. actually it’s not sweet at all, taste like iron. Yeah, i know it might not be true about what she wrote, but then, i could clearly picture it in my mind. It’s not impossible to mutilated yourself with a blunt object, besides it’s more challenging rather than using a sharp tool. As you tried to pierce into the flesh you have to work harder, much more harder just to see the pinkish red flesh appearing rather than the sharp object, which it’s like fast, maybe no pain at all, or pain comes slowly but not really that painful. Where’s the challenge? But then again, would I use a blunt razor, trying to slit the thin skin on my wrist just to see whether I could hit the arteries there? Just hitting the veins gives u a steady outflow of blood, but hitting the arteries? Boy, isn’t that fun? Watching the blood come gushing out. Eh, didn’t know that I had that much blood in me. Haha.. haha.. Grazing it over and over again just to make a cut. Dumb blunt razor! Should i get a sharper one? Nah, that would be boring…Shortcut to the ending. Making a few grazes, enough to make lovely scars across the wrist. What for?! A reminder? Beauty? Nah, maybe something to add to my collection of scars, apart from my mutilated thumb. Like a hobby, I suppose. Hey, maybe next, I should go for the arteries in the neck! Challenging the body to see how much pain it could take. Is that all?!Is that all I can take?! No, I can do better than this.Now let’s see if I could lift the fingernails up from the flesh. Taking the ‘playar’, clipping the edge of the nails,pulling it at first. Hmm, yes.. pain, but no blood yet. This time pulling it upwards, slowly seeing the side of the skin underneath the nails tear. Ohh.. red fluid..Then, yanking it upwards. Ah… success. I don’t even feel the pain no more. Damn, I need to slap myself hard and wake up!! I’m drifting too far into this dream. But wait, reality? It’s a L I V I N G N I G H T M A R E. Maybe drifting back is good. Yeah, I think it is. I’ll just continue drifting, like always. Nah, just joking, that’s not me, is it? I won’t do that stuff, haha… haha.. Would I? On Second thought maybe…just maybe.. Come on, can’t I get a chance to whine too. Loves whining out loud but hey, listening to others whining, not really that fun, you know; what’s more mine. Guess, I’ll just use frenster to force all of you to read this!! Nyanyanyanya!! =P Gah, this is what i do when I’m rotting at home. Rambling. Rambling. Bla bla bla. Oh, did I tell you that I talk to myself too? OMG, someone please take me out yamcha, whatever.
(You wanna see what Gaia is like? Ask me. Think twice before you do so too =P)
